Lady Arabella Blydon has beauty and a brain, and she’s tired of men who can see only one without the other.
When a suitor tells Arabella he’s willing to overlook her appalling bluestocking tendencies on account of her looks and fortune, she decides to take a break from the Marriage Mart. During an extended stay in the country, she never expects to meet Lord John Blackwood, a wounded war hero who intrigues her like no other man.
Lord John has lived through the worst horrors of war… but nothing could have been as terrifying to his tormented heart as Lady Arabella. She is intoxicating, infuriating… and she makes him want to live again. Suddenly he’s writing bad poetry and climbing trees in the pitch-dark night… just so he can dance with her as the clock strikes midnight. And even though he knows he can never be the sort of man she deserves, he can’t help wanting her. But when the harsh light of day replaces the magic of midnight, can this tormented soul learn to love again?
“Belle,” he said flatly. “I don’t want your love. I can’t accept it.”
“How dare you belittle me this way?”
His hand closed around her wrist. “You misunderstand me. It is because I value your love so highly that I do not accept it.”
Time for another reimagined play. Settle down, folks.
Cast of Characters:
Lady Arabella Blydon (Bella): a lovely and (allegedly) brilliant young woman
Lord John Blackwood: a grumpy, self-flagellating war veteran
*a blissful pastoral scene*
Bella: *sigh* Woe is me! WOE IS ME! I am the daughter of an earl, child of two doting parents, with a beloved older brother, a huge dowry, and an ancient and noble lineage. I’m also considered a bluestocking who loves to read and I have suitors from dukes to viscounts falling all over my feet. BUT IF ONLY I CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!!!!!!! ;_;
John: HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON MY LAND?! GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!
John: *snarls for good measure*
Bella: *___________________* OH MY GOD I’M IN LOVE
John: WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN? I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. GO AWAY. STOP MAKING COW EYES AT ME
Bella: But ._. I LIKE YOU ._. 😀 🙁 😉 <3
John: IT DOESN’T MATTER. I DON’T WANT YOU. EVEN IF I DO. NOW GO AWAY. I MEAN IT,
Bella: *most definitely not going away* Ok *_* *sighs*
Khanh: *makes stabby motions at both*
*A dark room with lots of dark curtains and candles, there might as well be thunderstorms outside and shit to make it look appropriately dark, too*
John: *engages in a soliloquy* I…I’m uncommonly attracted to her. Bella’s beauty! Her wit! The way she makes me FEEL things I haven’t felt since they almost sawed off my legs in the war! I can’t contains my feels! MY FEEEEEEEEEELS! *shakes fist in despair*
John: But alas, it can never be. She is more noble than I am and we are not equal at all, although she is the daughter of an earl and I’m the son of an earl and even if I’m a noble war hero who’s been granted a barony for my brave deeds. ALAS! My soul! *howls at the moon* MY SOUL IS DARK AND TAINTED FOR A MAN UNDER MY COMMAND DURING THE WAR RAPED A YOUNG WOMAN AND I DIDN’T PREVENT IT. THAT MEANS I AS WELL AS RAPED HER MYSELF! I AM UNWORTHY OF HER!!!!!!!! I’M A RAPIST! OR I MIGHT AS WELL BE ;_;
Bella: *peeks out from curtains* Hi! Want a scone? Let’s go for a ride!!!
John: O_O Her persistance! Her charm! It is breaking all my defenses ;_; WHAT THE FUCK BITCH, GO AWAY. WHY DO YOU KEEP ON PURSUING ME!!!
Bella: WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! FINE I’LL GO AWAY DX
Khanh: *throws up her hands* FINALLY
Bella: I’m going to forget that asshole. I’m going to forget him by doing everything I can to spread rumors to bring him after me. GIRL POWER! YEAH! I’m going to tell my friend to tell my other friend to tell my other friend that I’m about to get married and then surely he’ll come after me and be my love!
Khanh: Are you kidding me?
*10 seconds later*
John: WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN, WHY U GETTIN MARRIED?
Bella: JOHN! I love you!
John: FINE! I love you too! But I have to tell you that I AM A RAPIST!
Bella: What? You?! NO!
John: YES! A woman got raped by someone else under my watch! You’ll be marrying a rapist! And someone might be trying to kill me!
Bella: I DON’T CARE!
John: Let’s get married right now
Bella: But…we don’t have my family’s approval. None of my friends know you. My brother is away at university. My parents are on vacation and god knows when they’ll come back. We’ll be wed by a drunken priest. I won’t even have a decent gown. This won’t be any girl’s dream wedding.
John: DON’T CARE. MARRY ME NOW!
Bella: Yes, master!
Khanh: *grits teeth* Are you fucking kidding me right now?!
*bullet whizzes by*
John and Bella: WAAAAH!
John: Ok, Bella, this is dangerous. I want you to hide because this guy is wily and he’ll surely go after you in order to get revenge on me.
Bella: BUT I CAN HELP YOU! I’m going to help you by going where I’m not supposed to go despite the fact that I’m defenseless. I can help you by talking to your enemy and telling him that I’m your wife. I’m going to help you by inserting you in wherever regardless of my safety!
John: ARE YOU BATSHIT CRAZY, WOMAN?
Bella: *waaaaaaaaaaaaails and runs away* I NEED TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW SO I’M GOING TO TAKE MY MAID AND WANDER INTO A DARK PART OF TOWN BECAUSE OF MY DISTRESS
Khanh: ENOUGH! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU BEFORE THE BAD GUY DOES IT!!!!!!!!! STUPID IDIOT!!!! *pulls curtains to hide the carnage* THE END!!!!!!!!