Review: Clean Sweep

Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews
Series: Innkeeper Chronicles (#1)
Rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ 

On the outside, Dina Demille is the epitome of normal. She runs a quaint Victorian Bed and Breakfast in a small Texas town, owns a Shih Tzu named Beast, and is a perfect neighbor, whose biggest problem should be what to serve her guests for breakfast. But Dina is…different: Her broom is a deadly weapon; her Inn is magic and thinks for itself. Meant to be a lodging for otherworldly visitors, the only permanent guest is a retired Galactic aristocrat who can’t leave the grounds because she’s responsible for the deaths of millions and someone might shoot her on sight. Under the circumstances, “normal” is a bit of a stretch for Dina.

And now, something with wicked claws and deepwater teeth has begun to hunt at night….Feeling responsible for her neighbors, Dina decides to get involved. Before long, she has to juggle dealing with the annoyingly attractive, ex-military, new neighbor, Sean Evans—an alpha-strain werewolf—and the equally arresting cosmic vampire soldier, Arland, while trying to keep her inn and its guests safe. But the enemy she’s facing is unlike anything she’s ever encountered before. It’s smart, vicious, and lethal, and putting herself between this creature and her neighbors might just cost her everything.

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Dear Ilona Andrews,

I’m writing to you today to inquire about your availability to speak at a week-long conference hosted by Concerned Readers Anonymous. We’re a non-profit organization made up of mostly bibliophiles, with the odd comic book geek thrown in for good measure. For the most part, our meetings are pretty tame, and involve talking about our latest reads while trying to be the least introspective person in the room. Also, sharing pictures of our cats has become a favorite staple.

We know that you’re likely very busy, and we in no way want to intrude upon your valuable time, so we’ve taken it upon ourselves to come up with a list of speaking topics for you, as we feel that you’ll be able to greatly expound upon each.

1. How to successfully write strong, intelligent females
2. How to successfully write complicated, alpha males
3. How to write imperfect but lovable characters
4. How NOT to be a misogynist
5. What a plot is and why it’s important
6. How to write visually stunning action scenes
7. Character progression: what it is and how to not suck at it
8. How to avoid archetypes and stereotypes
9. How to avoid over-used themes and tropes
10. Chemistry: how to get those hormones pumping

We’ve also taken it upon ourselves to form a guest list made up of quite a few authors that we think would benefit from listening to you speak. I won’t post it here, as I don’t want to name names, but needless to say, we expect a packed house.

We will be happy to provide both lodging and food for your stay, as Millie’s mother has recently passed away and she now has a spare bedroom open for you.

Please respond at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,
Navessa, CRA President, VP, Treasurer, Secretary…and sole one of seven members!