A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness
Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
The monster showed up after midnight. As they do.
But it isn’t the monster Conor’s been expecting. He’s been expecting the one from his nightmare, the one he’s had nearly every night since his mother started her treatments, the one with the darkness and the wind and the screaming…
This monster is something different, though. Something ancient, something wild. And it wants the most dangerous thing of all from Conor.
It wants the truth.
My motto should be “I don’t fucking get it”. Maybe I’ll change my GR name. Cory (who doesn’t fucking get it). Can I drop the f-bomb in my GR name? I’m not sure. Maybe if I put q’s in there it’ll be less offensive. Cory (who doesn’t fuqing get it). Better? No that looks kind of dumb, doesn’t it?
I use that word so much that I can’t really bring myself to butcher it anyway. And why should I? I’m not a fan of censorship. Cory (who dislikes censorship and doesn’t fucking get it).
And really, who’s offended by that word anyway? No really, who are these people? Are you one of them? Well, I’m here to preach the good word, so listen up. Don’t hate it, embrace it! It is just a word after all and a pretty cool one at that. Look at all its uses! You can use it to talk about an act, to express anger, to express a whole slew of emotions really.
It’s pretty fun to say too. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck my life I’m rambling. I don’t know what to fucking say here. Why do I never fucking get it? Fuck. Or if I’m pulling out my high school German skills, ficken. Or my even older Italian, scopare (I think. Yes, googletranslate concurs).
And now I’ve just spent ten minutes translating fuck into every language Google has to offer…
The award for the coolest looking translation of fuck goes to Georgian for this: მდებარ.
The award for lamest goes to Danish for Kneppe (This sounds like a pastry. Come on, you guys can do better)
The award for the one that sounds the most Star Warsian (<– how is this not a recognized word???) goes to Croatian for Jebati.
The award for most weaponized goes to Dutch for Neuken.
The award for most cumbersome goes to Indonesian for Bersetubuh
The award for most difficult for an American to pronounce while intoxicated goes to Polish for Pieprzyć.
And lastly, the award for lamest non-review ever goes Cory (who dislikes censorship, doesn’t fucking get it and has obviously been drinking).
Take a bow, winners!